Kimmy Chanthala

About the author

Kimmy.
I am Kimmy.
Kimmy Chanthala.
I know my name but I don't know my place. I feel like I don't belong here.
I feel like I need to escape but I'm not sure.
I'm a European/Asian Emo Girl.
Real Dad- French, German, Belgem.
Mom- Thai, Laos, Viet.
5.3- yes im short.
Black hair-yes, natural.
Brown eyes.
I don't know what you want me to say, I'm a depressing emo girl too pussy to end her own life. Simple balls bro.
I put a smile on and somehow manage to fool people into believing I'm happy.
When I'm mad, I go ghetto bitch extreme.
When I'm sad, I write. I cry. I exspress myself weather its through words, art, or blood.
Im obsessed with cutting. I cant stop no matter how hard I try. It's a crappy habbit but that's who I am. The outside pain makes me forget about the inner pain for a little bit and it actually feels good. Don't lecture me about how horrible it is. I've heard it a million times. I've tried quitting, I promise, but I failed. Cutting is an escape and each scar tells a different fucked up story I survived. It's like going on vacation and my scars are kinda like the photos I took.
When I say I hate myself, I don't do it for attention, I really do hate myself.
I dont let people watch me cry although I cry every night. I'm emotionally damaged and it's hard to recover...
I hide my scars. I'm not an attention whore, I really don't like when I go somewhere and some stranger comes up to me and asks about my scars, so I usually hide them... I'm not doing this for attention, I'm doing it for escape and pleasure.
I wear makeup to hide my ugly flaws. I think I look gross without makeup an don't start that bullshit where it's like 'no you don't need makeup' or 'every flaw makes you beautiful' cause their nothing but lies.
I wake up every morning thinking 'why the hell am i still here?' I really don't deserve to be here. It's hell. I never thought I'd be at war, especially not in my own mind where the battle scars appear on my body...I'm the type of girl who blogs about her feelings and cries like hell when she's alone but in public you could never tell.
I look in the mirror and see how hideous I am and run to go puke anything I can up.
Size 13 and trying to get rid of it.
I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm everything society hates. I know that. I know people think I'm depressing and bitchy and they hate me but honestly? I dont care. I know who my real friends are, I know whos fake and whos real. I don't have alot of friends but that's because I'd rather have no friends than fake friends. If your not there through my struggles, like hell your bouta be there for my success. Yes, success, I promise I'll be a worldwide famous writer. No one will stop me from that goal.
That's a quickie of my life, You can think whatever you want about it but that's how it is, and don't start no crap about 'your such an attention whore' cause I'm not, Do you know how hard I used to try to hide my scars and all this depression shit? Then some people found out and one of them was a huge blabbermouth and now I dont really give two fucks for who knows. Well go ahead and ask me anything.
-------------------------------------------------
3months after I wrote ^^^;
Well hey, Im still emo Kimmy but...I think I'm actually recovering. I've stopped cutting, I've been trying my hardest to be rid of neggitive thoughts and no more suicidal talk, and I haven't really had much drama or tears in my life. I'm on the road to recovery but I guess I'm kinda scared to become happy again and then get destroyed all over again... I mean it's way easier being the emo girl who's so hurt she's actually become numb and can't really feel anything. The emo girl who dont care? Well im working on going back to the old me. But once i becme happy and giggly and ect, ill develope emotions and then I'll get hurt.. and the pain.. oh lord the transition from innocent to emo is the most painful thing you could go through and i never want it to happen again but.. im just not sure. I'm working on it...

346,087 notes

May 10, 2013

corpsin123:

mymindpalaceisatardis:

DID THAT KITTEH JUST

JUST HUG IT’S HEAD

BECAUSE YOU PETTED IT’S TUMMY

WHAT AN ADORABLE KITTEH

“BUT MOOOOM, IT’S TOO EARLY!!!”

(via damn-itskylar)